Revisiting my relationship w/ God

As my christian life matures, i see the reality of my sin very clearly and how i should live.

Also, i am aware that i shouldn't take religion so seriously. I am sure God doesn't want this from us either. He wants us to be FREE!

I learned from the book of theories of psychotherapy that we should change how we view ourselves and that our actions shouldn't be dictated by rules of 'should' and 'shouldn'ts'. Healthy people acknowledge their limitations and move on with life. Mentally healthy people also know what they are good at and what they are not and are more positive thinkers (in fact, there is a positive correlation between mental health and optimism). I have a friend who is simple-minded and moves on quickly when bad things happen. I would observe my friend and i think a key to move on quickly is to not take life so seriously. I am thankful for this friend of mine because i learned a lot from her. I also try to find something funny each day and enjoy life with people i love.

I know that i am not very forgiving to myself, as much as i want to. I have always been people-pleaser and so i am very sensitive to people's remark about me and also what i say to them. Not sure if i can change this? I think this is one of my traits, so i don't complain it. God sometimes uses this trait to serve his people. However, when my focus is on something else, this trait of mine gives me a hard time. I am clearly aware that i cannot please everyone. This would be crazy: i will never know what i want in life.

I have been thinking if there's a way i can be more self-controlled. Control my emotions and thoughts. But, life is just crazy with full of surprises (both good and bad), and i know i need help outside of me. I need wise advice of my friends, mentor and my family members who care about me. But, most importantly, I need God the most in my life.

So i was thinking.... that i have been lacking spending time with God. We are relational. Not sure why i don't turn to God when i feel like i need someone. I usually turn to my friends- a few friends- whom i trust. Well, actually i am not a very expressive person so it is hard for me to share. Why is it so hard to turn to God? I was thinking today and i think i know why. I am a very quality type of person (my # 1 love language) and i am more than willing to spend a quality time with  my friends because i love them. I have been pushing God aside and would give him only a little bit of my time. I think the reason i turn to my friends when i feel like i need someone is because the quality of my friendship is high.  But i think the quality of my relationship with God is right now relatively low. What if i spend time with God each day and talk to him like a friend (well he actually says he is our friend)? What will happen in the long run? I turn to the Bible today... after a long time of not touching it. I want to put God first in my life. I want to talk to God first, because i know he is wise, kind, loving, compassionate and forgiving. I am just like a mist and really nothing but God sees the best in me.